Afraid

Lately, I have been afraid and anxious, mostly in relation to work performance and the possibility of falling below expectations. I find it interesting that it took me a while to realize that I am scared – almost as though the feelings were buried beneath my daily routines, bubbling below the surface and affecting my effectiveness but not clearly identified as an issue I needed to deal with. You could say I was unconsciously afraid. Have you ever been unconsciously afraid?

Continue reading “Afraid”

Losing Fear

I was a captive. Of fear.

My fears – they held me by the throat

And threatened to let me go

If I ventured beyond the boundaries

They lovingly set for me.

You see, I was raised to court safety

To keep a safe distance from trouble

To use my senses, and ensure I am enclosed

By walls of security always surrounding me.

So I was always secured, heavily guarded

By my fears – the experts on security.

They set my boundaries, told my stories,

Made my choices, lent me voices,

Even threatened my friends and family

On my behalf. So I was always safe.

Safe, but never free. I was a stranger

To the vicissitudes of an adventurous life

To the uncertainties of risk-taking

And the attendant rewards

Of inventions and profits unimaginable

New lands and foreign ventures

Were strangers in my world.

Till one day,

One day while my fears were closely watching

I looked through the window of hope

And beheld visions of a different reality.

I had new dreams and saw beyond security.

I saw possibility, no, possibilities.

Possibilities in different shapes and forms

That demanded courage and sacrifice,

That demanded selflessness

Armed with courage, equipped with knowledge,

I began a journey into the unknown,

A journey to define the future.

Embracing my destiny, I let go of my fears

And found that all the while,

It was I who held on to my fears, afraid to fail

I had been my own limitation.

So I let go, and rode the tides of life,

Learning the lessons, winning some battles,

And while learning to win the war,

Failing some classes.

I enrolled in the school of life

And found freedom in the pursuit of purpose

Knowing I could fail, but learning how not to fail.

Now a stranger to fear, I know no limitations,

I have no boundaries, and fear no incursions

In my journey to pursue purpose, and fulfill destiny.

Toyin Taiwo © 2016